3 in 4 Teenagers Smoke Marijuana, 1 in 4 Teenagers Are Total Nerds

A new study indicates that 3 out of 4 teenagers (approximately 69%) smoke marijuana. A follow up study was then administered where scientists conjecture that 1 in 4 teenagers happen to be nerds.
“we don’t think the results are simply coincidental”
*cool scientist rips a makeshift bong made from an Erlenmeyer flask*

measuring glasses
colloquially referred to as "bongs", scientists prefer
to use their proper term, "water pipes"

Marijuana goes by a plethora of names: “the devil’s cabbage”, “Satan’s lettuce”, “Hitler’s broccoli”, and many more
“all the cool kids call it nug. but johnson over here calls it ‘the reefer’. what a friggin’ nerd!”
*cool scientist flips off johnson*

Scientists are also claiming the same genes that make people cool can also be found in the cannabis plant itself
“oh yeah this science shit is air tight”
*cool scientist pulls out indecipherable charts and figures*
“you see this shit? i know you aint tellin me you can prove that shit wrong… that’s what i thought. pussy”

pots smoked girls kissed graph
the numbers don't lie folks

As marijuana use increases amongst the teenage population, scientists believe the cool kid to nerd ratio will also increase, and this leaves some scientists worried
“we saw the same shit happen in ‘09 when every kid was drinking 4loko. you can’t have that many cool kids runnin around. it throws off the natural order of things. next thing you know geeks like johnson are gunna start getting laid”
*cool scientist throws chemicals at johnson*

four loko
the drink that lost 1000 virginities

With all of this new information coming out linking marijuana smoking to teenage popularity, there is sure to be backlash in High Schools across the world. Some officials even suggest legalizing the drug as to make smoking it “less cool”
“wait a minute, this shit’s illegal?”
*cool scientist gives johnson a wedgie*

On the contrary, some officials suggest putting more money into the War on Drugs

“it’s fine. spend another trillion dollars stopping potheads. we literally have infinity money” – Barack Obama

Whatever is done, teens are surely smoking weed at an alarmingly high rate, and this could potentially cause major world consequences in this country
“dude did you see that story about teens and marijuana on the news today?”
*teen passes blunt*
“the news?? what are you fuckin gay?”