Baltimore School Bans The Phrase "Merry Christmas"


The sixth day of the teen news grand revealing of the 25 days of Christmas special.  After the blissful period which was the 90s, schools across the country cracked down on the tyrannical Christmas culture that was dominating the educational system during December.  Now, a local high school has deemed the phrase "Happy Holidays" as evil and unacceptable in their school.




BALTIMORE, MD - Principal Jon Stinson reading the morning announcements a few days ago "[expletive] you teens, spreading this [expletive] holiday cheer, you know [expletive] what you [indiscernible expletives] are no longer allowed to say happy holidays either because it's [a lot of expletives] offensive to me."  After an extremely intense minute of silence and confusion the principal added "This has nothing to do with the [expletive] rumor that Mr. Diver is screwing my wife."

We sat down for a 1 on 1 interview with a student of the high school.

"How'd you feel about the expletives your principal used?"

"They were mostly fucks or variations of fucks."

"I mean, the fact that your principal used them."

"Oh...it was kinda badass actually."

soap in mouth
cursing is punishable to the fullest extent of the law














Mr. Diver, a gym teacher, was unavailable for comment because he was presumably "fucking the shit out of Mrs. Stinson"

A notoriously liberal sophomore student who identifies as a precautionary transgender bisexual and prefers the personal pronoun "it" had a lot to say.  "Honestly the HH phrase is offensive", LeSean Stevenson is referring to "Happy Holidays", "some people aren't emotionally inclined to feel happy or to celebrate events.  Who are we to enforce feelings of happiness on everyone?  I don't want to exaggerate, but this seems mighty similar to Hitler to me."

ben stiller
adolphin hitler - leader of germany during the 90s

25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas


Is the phrase "Happy Holidays" reminiscent of the Nazi regime?  Whether or not you simply want to stand out, have a cheating ho ho ho of a wife, or just simply hate having fun I think we can learn a lesson from Martin Luther King Jr. High School and let "Happy Holidays" slide.