Christmas is a Religious Holiday: Santa Versus Jesus

An Ohio teen deals with the harsh reality that the Christmas holiday is entirely immersed in religion.  The high school drop out lets teen news in on his Santa/Jesus comparisons and conclusions.




TOLEDO, OH - Occam's razor states that the simplest of two competing theories is to be preferred.  Andy Hercules, who recently took the non-existence of Santa Claus a little too personally, is using this logic while assuming that one of either Santa Claus or Jesus Christ is real.  Andy hypothesizes, the simpler of the two exists, the other does not.

THE CASE AGAINST SANTA

- Immortal

Improbable, but not the craziest thing either of these two claim to be.  Keep in mind that Jesus died on a lower case t.

- Works With Keebler Esque Elves

Santa's ideal employees are the crafty midgets from parts unknown.  The same business plan as Willy Wonka, but with the same loyalty as the ugly things from Harry Potter creates a highly unlikely but imaginative situation for Saint Nick.

- Delivers Presents To Every Kid in The World In One Night

No.

don't worry he might not be real













THE CASE AGAINST JESUS

- Son of God

If God truly did create us in his image I'm sure he hates using condoms too.  This doesn't seem that unlikely.

- Performed Miracles

Wow, how often do we see miracles nowadays? I mean, Santa Claus delivering presents in a single night every year is definitely more of a miracle than Jesus ever performed except...

- His Death Meant The Forgiveness of All Sin For All of Mankind For All Eternity and Granted Them Access To A Paradise After Death As Long As They Accepted Him As Their Savior Depending On The Specific Form Of Christianity You Believe In

...

CONCLUSION

"I still haven't figured it out yet." - Andy Hercules

25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas