Halloween Movies That Will Get You Laid

As we approach All Hallows' Eve I think I owe it to you nerds and virgins to give you one more list of tricks and treats so hopefully you don't end up fucking a pumpkin on October 31st.   Put on a halloween costume that will get you laid and get ready for some spooky flicks that will land you some slutty chicks.



the notebook

The Notebook (2004) 

Hopefully if you're reading this you've been on this planet long enough to know that this movie will get you laid.  Statistically, 90% of all male virgins have never seen this shit.  Be careful, the best way to watch this movie is by looking at a wall and zoning out, DO NOT follow the storyline.

"Wow Josh I can't believe you watched this with me? Wanna have crazy sex?"
*wipes away tears* "IT'S SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL"

nosferatu

Nosferatu (1922)

How will this movie get you laid?  Well, no matter how boring you are, this movie is more boring.  And, no matter how ugly you are, movies in only black and white are harder to look at.  Trick your girl into watching it and literally reap the benefits.

"wtf this movie isn't in color"
"Nope." 
"wtf they don't talk either."
"Nope."
"your house sucks i'm leaving"
"WAIT BUT TEEN NEWS SA-"

a nightmare on elm street

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Theoretically you could watch any of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, but since old movies suck I'd rather go with the newest one.  

"girl i hope freddy doesn't kill you right now"
"i'm awake...i'm not dreaming"
"but you're the girl of MY dreams"
"awwwww"
*settles for a handjob*

casper

Casper (1995)

Casper the friendly ghost is also the king of friends with benefits movie watching experiences.  Well, not the king, but he's up there.  If you've ever seen Casper before you know that the ghosts in that film can go into people's bodies.  Go...in..to...people's...bodies.  You see where I'm going with this?

"wow casper kinda looks like a giant jizz"
"stacy i didn't know you were a trashy fucking whore"
*gets a pretty awesome blowjob*

an american werewolf in london

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

The 80s were pretty rad, sexual deviancy was at its peak and maybe you'll capture some of that flair while she no longer gives a shit about the hair you forgot to shave after this cinema.

"i LOVE british guys, are there british guys in this movie jake cause i LOVE british guys"
"hoe stfu"

movie theater

Any Movie In Theaters (2013)

Theaters are the greatest places to take bitches because 1) shows you got bills 2) you don't have to talk to them 3) public handjobs are the best handjobs  I've seen the stupidest scariest movies in theaters The Fog, My Bloody Valentine, The Call.  Has it ever gotten me laid? Yes, that's 1/1, go make it 2/2.

"let's see a scary movie kelly"
"can i bring my boyfriend?"

elf movie

Elf (2003)

Halloween is the perfect day to start preparing for Christmas! White girls love this movie almost as much as starbucks and uggs.  Besides why don't you nerds stop celebrating a pagan ritual and celebrate the god damn birth of our lord and savior jesus christ.

*watches Elf with two bitches*
*has a threesome*