How to Cure Mono AKA The Kissing Disease

An outbreak of mono has struck a local high school in Oregon earlier this week. Parents and students alike fear for the safety of everyone in school

“good thing i don’t kiss these stupid kids” – local gym teacher/child molester

With students missing school because of mono, teachers are worried that grades will begin to slip
“luckily all the nerds are still in school”, says the principal, “those fags will prolly never kiss a girl”
“at least i don’t have mono!”
“SHUT UP STEVE”
*principal throws a math textbook at steve*
 
oregon map
OREGON: i think its in canada
or something
Mononucleosis, also known as “the kissing disease”, is a virus that affects 1 in 4 teens around the country
“it’s like herpes but for 8th graders” – says the school nurse who never graduated from college
 
doctor patient
you're bleeding from the throat?
here, have a lollipop
But with over half of this Oregon school being affected by mono, parents have begun to take action and protest against the safety regulations in practice at this school
“FREE CONDOMS IN SCHOOL” – shouts one parent who doesn’t know what mono is
“OUTLAW KISSING” – says steve’s father, who is surprisingly also a virgin somehow
 
funny protest sign
the anger is real folks

With all this calamity occurring, teen news can only pray that this Oregon school returns to normal. Though mono only lasts a month, virginity can last a lifetime. Well, at least for Steve it will