How to Get Girls to Like You

The fact that another year of school is starting can be a hard pill to swallow, thank Yeezus that Adderall isn’t. Here are some tips for getting that hoe from homeroom to your room.

1) Paper, not plastic

Everyone knows that pimping ain’t easy, but you know what is E-Z? This year’s hottest rolling papers! 

e-z wider rolling papers

These things might as well be an E-Z pass to the pussy! Girls are tired of guys who smoke out of weird shit like Gatorade bottles and tin foil. Pull out a pack of these bad boys and her legs will open “wider” than my mouth at the dentist’s office! ( I have a lot of cavities.)

2) Fuck Snapbacks, Just Tattoos

Snapbacks are out, tattoos are in. Tattoos of snapbacks are super in. 

catdog tattoo

You don’t even need to have a tattoo to impress her, just talk about the one you’re going to get and make sure she hears.
“yup, going down to Apocalypse Requiem Cyanide Tattooz today to get the new tat”
“what are you getting, bro?’’
“thinkin bout a pot leaf with a caption that says “legalize it” in latin”

If there’s one thing bitches love, it’s Latin. And if there’s two things bitches love, its Latin and legislative opinions.

3) Nice 80085!
You don’t need to have Chemistry with girls to score, just math. This device will be sure to turn heads, and later on, have bitches take turns giving you head. Girls love guys who are good with numbers, especially if the number is a drunken 69 in the bathroom before lunch.

calculator flask

“mom, i need some vodka!”
“what!? NO WAY!”
“it’s for school!”
“oh alright”

The only thing you’ll be “deriving” from class this year will be tons of phone numbers from slutty bitches.