How to Pick Up Girls at a Party

So you’re a freshmen in college, what’s the first thing you’re looking to do? Score some chicks, right? Parties are the place to do it my friend. An alcohol fueled, sex craved environment where slutty girls are just beggin for the D. Trust me, this is exactly what college parties are like. I’ve seen every America Pie movie ever made. Follow these 5 tips to get super laid


5. Ask Her Name

This may seem like an obvious tip, but many bros and brahs forget to do it. Asking her name is easy. All you have to say is “Hey, what’s your name?” Don’t worry what she says in response, the fact that you asked it is good enough

“what’s your name girl?”
it’s amanada
“what’s up amanaa?”
no no, it’s amanDA
“are you sure? because it seems like your lacking a D. i could give you one if you want”
*gets mega laid*
 
hot girl
honestly, i'd bang her


4. Use a Pickup Line

There’s a reason they’re called pickup lines. It’s because when you say them, girls have to pick their panties up off the floor because you just dropped em, stud. There’s plenty of great pickup lines out there, lemme tell you a couple of my favorites

"damn girl, are you rihanna? because i would hit that"
"damn girl, are you a bug trainer from the beginning of pokemon? because you're making me use harden"
"damn girl, are you a chuck e cheese? because i would love to be inside you"
"damn girl, are you martin luther king jr? because i have a dream that we're gunna bang"

You get the point

hot girl
i would probably bang this girl

3. Grind on Her Butt

Okay, so I've never really done this one before, but I see it work all the time. Random guys just go up and start grinding on girl's behinds... How do they do that? Why does it work for those stupid jocks and not me?? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!?!

"sup girl, my name's chad johnsoncock. wanna rub your butt on my penis even though i don't know your name?"
"of course chad!!"

hot girl
you see this girl? i'd bang her

2. Puppies

Girls love puppies. That's a fact. What you're gunna want to do is acquire about 40 to 50 puppies. This shouldn't be too hard. They give puppies away like free ipods. Now once you enter the party, play it cool. Just hide your puppies in your trench coat (oh yeah, you're gunna need a trenchcoat). Now when the moment is right, RELEASE THE HOUNDS. Bitches will be all up on those puppies like hipsters on flannel. Once they realize that all the puppies belong to you, congrats bro. You got yourself some sex

NOTE: apparently puppies need food or something. make sure you're ready to take care of them. but trust me, it's worth it

hot girls
i would bang all these girls
1. Whip it Out

Okay, this one may seem a little bold, but girls love a bold man. I know what you're thinking, is she ready to see it just yet? How do I know when the time is right? Well trust me, the time is always right to whip it out. Once you have a moment to do so, just reach into your pants and whip out your Yu-Gi-Oh deck. Once she sees the sick cards you have in your pocket (Blue-Eyes White Dragon is a must) she'll be craving the D so hard you won't even want to bang her. Which you won't. Because you'll be too pwning noobs in Yu-Gi-Oh to care

supermodel - c'mon??? PLEASE have sex with me!!
you - shut up bitch i'm summoning dark magician

fat girl
i would have sex with anyone
at this point