Local Teenager Arrested After Acting Overly Cool

Police were called to the scene after there were reports of a local teenager acting "overly cool"
Witnesses told police they spotted a 15 to 18 year old male riding a longboard and smoking a cigarette at the same time. One also claims “I think it was a menthol” and “he was wearing board shorts”

The teen was allegedly longboarding at speeds of over 15 miles per hours
“He was like a blur. One second I smelled the scent of Axe Body Spray and the next, BAM, he zooms right past me. I was scared”

Police were startled to find that a teenager could be so cool, and are still currently on the lookout for the teen in question.

One officer claims he is “keeping his eyes peeled for overly cool teenagers” and “wants more donuts”.

THE LONGBOARD: a common mode of transportation used 
mainly by teens who couldn't figure out how to do kickflips

Many teens across the country try to act cool, but very few are able to achieve a limit where it becomes both highly dangerous and highly illegal
Legislation preventing teens from being overly cool was passed in the early 1990’s after a 17 year old New Jersey male tragically “drowned in pussy”

Police are constantly on the lookout for teenagers who are too cool and even run programs in local public schools on proper coolness safety. These programs teach teens not to combine too many cool activities at once, such as: “getting laid”, “crushing Natties”, and “driving over the speed limit”
“Be cool always in moderation” is the message the program preaches and hopes teens follow

Events such as the ones that happened earlier are chilling reminders that there are teens out there who simply don’t care about obeying the law, which in turn is making them even more cool
“It’s truly an epidemic” says one of the first police officers on the scene, “the more these kids break the law, the cooler they get and the more dangerous they become. It’s a vicious and unforgiving cycle.”