Razor Scooters Monster Energy and Axe Body Spray

teen news brings you the point of view of teens with a letter we received

Dear Teen News,

I am a teen and a huge fan of your website! I wrote this for you in the notes app on my iPhone after taking 80 mg of Adderall, so here is the story of what I did last night.

“Mom, can I have some money? I’m going out!" I grab my Razor scooter from the garage, pausing to flip the bird to my gay ass helmet before grabbing the cash from momma dukes and dashing out the door. It’s Friday night, and as my favorite philosopher Rebecca Black once said, I’ve “gotta get down on Friday”. Where am I getting down? The one place that teens can really be teens: the mall!

Cindy Miller posted a Facebook pic of her and her squad of short skirted she devils, so I made sure to spray extra AXE all over myself in case I run into them in Hot Topic. As I ride, the only “hot topic” I’m thinking about is Cindy, and the way she can drink a full Monster without even puking.

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I get to the mall around 5 o’clock so that I have time to “fish” for cigarettes before meeting up with my bros. I’m 18, I just never got a license because driving is for losers who listen to country music and eat dinner with their families. After being spit on by an elderly woman who clearly disapproved of my “Medicare Schmedicare” t-shirt, I decided to retreat into the bowls of the mall and search for Cindy Miller.

I realize that I am not exactly “smooth” with the ladies, so I bought some Adderall from my friend Pete “Dogshit” Williams to get me on top of my game before meeting up with Cindy. I washed the pills down with a can of Mountain Dew, which I shotgunned in the bathroom of Aeropostel while my boy Tom filmed it for Vine. Hashtag fucking rad.

I saw Cindy sitting in the food court with her duck faced friends and decided to approach her. “Hey Cindy” I stammered, taking a hefty puff of my E-cig. As I exhaled, the thick white smoke formed the word, “LOSER”, and I knew that I was doomed. “Ew! Are you wearing AXE?” said Cindy, twisting her face into some disgusted emoji. “Let me “AXE” you something, do you really think your cool enough to be talking to someone like me”? I turned my snapback backwards and said the first thing my stimulant filled brain could think of, “you’re*”.