Thank You Lil B: How to Be Loyal to The Based God

When the sun goes down at nighttime whose the reason that it rises again in the morning? No, it’s not because god or allah, it cant be explained by gravity or science either…the answer is obvious, it’s because of our lord and savior Lil b! He singlehandedly is the cause of all things good on this planet. From inventing swag to just being positive in general, the based god serves as a role model for all. Here are the testimonies from 5 different teens whose lives have been made vastly better because of Lil b aka The Based God.


thank you lil b

My name is Jacob, and I have a confession…sex and me don’t go hand in hand. In fact I never even hugged a girl (well except for my mom) until I was 17 years old! So anyway when I started working as a busboy at the local hooters I heard one of the large breasted waitresses talking about someone named Lil b, so long story short I youtubed him and listened to his music. Which just gave me the confidence I needed to pursue bitches. Here’s a picture of me about to get my dick sucked by this random girl I met on craigslist, and it’s all thanks to you Lil B!!!!


thank you lil b

Lemme ask you niggas somethin, you ever take a bath in a tub filled with krispy krème doughnuts?? Didn’t think so. My name is Trell and it’s always been a aspiration of mine to soak naked while covered in doughnuts. Now most niggas was like “Trell you a fool for this one, who gonna let you fill they tub up with doughnuts son. That shit retarded.” At first I let that hate stop me from pursuing my dream, but then I started listening to Lil b (his White Flame mixtape, shits so cash) and I finally grew a pair of balls and asked my moms if she would cop me 3 dozen doughnuts to bathe in…and you know what the bitch said? HELL YEA NIGGA, PURSUE YO DREAMS. So I did and it never woulda happened if it weren’t for you Lil b.


thank you based god

Growing up in South Dakota is pretty tragic, especially when your parents homeschool you! Always having to listen to their gay rules like “you can't wipe yourself after poddy time, mommy has to do it for you” can get pretty annoying, especially for a 16 year old! But one day in December my mom told me the most insane lie in the world…that Santa wasn’t real!!! Like WTF (sorry for cursing mom) that’s so messed up. So what did I do? I went on the interwebs and listened to the “MM…Christmas” mixtape by Lil b, which inspired me to travel to the North Pole and prove that Santa was real. My childhood was saved (as seen in the picture below) and it’s all due to you Lil b, thank you so much!!!

thank you based god

In life people will always tell you that you can’t do things like “Jessica, you can’t drink starbucks coffee out of your uggs” Like OMG it’s my life and you only live once so I’m gonna do whatever I want. But I didn’t always think that way, I used to listen to what people would tell me (I would even make guys put condoms on before sex!! Haha how dumb is that?!) but then I find out about this rapper named Lil b who would retweet pictures of you if you were a hot girl (for girl time) so I started sending him pictures (obvi getting some RT’s) which inspired me to shove my fist in my mouth one night at the club. Someone snapped a picture of me doing this and it got me so famous that I landed an interview with you guys (teen news), how awesome is that?! I have no one to blame but the based god! Thank you!!!

thank you based god

Meow meow meow meow…meow!!! Meow meow meow meow, meow meow…thank you so much Lil b!!