The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug Review

Elves, swords, magic, dragons, and accents; a nerd's wet dream put on the big screen by Peter Jackson for the 5th time.  Except, teen news doesn't really care about what the target audience thinks about the second edition of the first novel written by nerd king J.R.R. Tolkien, so we sent a teen girl with no knowledge of anything about the Lord of The Rings to go and watch the film for us.

TN: Happy Holidays Ashley.
Ashley: Merry Christmas! And call me ash.
TN: So what was your initial feeling before going into the movie theater?
Ash: Hungry.
TN: About the movie.
Ash: Well like I knew the Hobbits were little people and I figured Smaug was an evil hobbit that-
TN: You thought Smaug was a hobbit? Did you see the Dragon in the previews?
Ash: I forgot lol.
TN: Ok, so walk us through some of the memorable parts of the movie.
Ash: It started off with these dwarves and I thought they were really little until the hobbit man, not smaug the good hobbit, was walking next to them and I was like oh shit maybe everybody is little as fuck.  But then there was this old dude who was like WAY WAY taller and I kinda laughed because of how small everyone was.
TN: Continue...
Ash: Anyway, I thought Orlando Bloom was in the movie so I was kinda waiting for that and then he was in the movie and he was WAY WAY hot.
TN: How was Orlando Bloom's performance in the movie? How was the character Legolas implemented in the storyline before the Lord of the Rings trilogy takes place?
Ash: He was SO hot.
TN: But what was his character doing?
Ash: Oh right right, his character was hot too.
TN: I see, were there any other stand out performances?
Ash: Well like the dwarf leader dude was actually like really hot too.  I don't normally like short dudes, lol, but if he was taller he'd be so hot.  And WAIT, Oh my god, right before I fell asleep there was this hot guy who looked kind of like Orlando Bloom who was taking these hobbits through this like city and he seemed like a good guy.
TN: You...fell asleep?
Ash: Yah, I was tired.
TN: When?
Ash: Apparently right before they got inside the mountain and were fighting Smaug or whatever.  I woke up at the end and asked who the dragon was and some old dude said Smaug and I was like lol I thought Smaug was a hobbit.
Ash: What!
TN: ...thanks for your time Ashley.

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December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
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December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
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December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
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December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas

 Teen News review of The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug - Might not keep you awake, but there are at least three hot guys and apparently there's a scene involving a huge dragon that may or may not be good.  No rating so go see it and judge it for yourself instead of relying on this stupid website.