Why America Is Amazing

I pledge allegiance, to the swag, OF THE MOST YOLO NATION ON THE PLANET!!! Let's be real here if you don't live in America you're most likely some beta foreign ass nerd who literally gets no pussy. From our beautiful cities (ie: camden New Jersey, MURDA CAP SON) or seductive women like honey boo boo's mother (she a bad bitch) the USA is literally perfect in every sense of the word. So I compiled a list of 8 more reasons America puts the free in freedumb.

#1. We Shave all of Our Polar Bears

fat guy

This picture really captures the true beauty of our wonderful country. Here we see one of americas very own shaved polar bears, a very common site  in the southern states. These polar bears are little more heavyset then their arctic cousins, and this is due to their Coca Cola and Big Mac dietary habits. Whether you're on the beach or in walmart, a shaved polar bear is probably gonna cause a scene and we love it...America

#2. Our Police Love Us (pt. 1)

police brutality

If theres one thing you should know about the USA it's that our police force puts the FUN in FUNERAL!!!! Just look at this picture above, these hippies were sitting on the ground protesting some shit, and they probably got thirsty af, so what did the swagged out officer do? He sprayed them in the face with orange soda to quench their parched mouths! Ugh this is just too sweet. 

#3. The TSA Keeps us Super Safe (pt. 1)


When you're flying on a plane who stops the terrorists from gaining entry? It's not Jesus and no no its not Kanye West...ITS THE MOTHERFUCKIN TSA. And as their motto goes: a schrotum grab aday keeps osama bin laden at bay....true American heroes. 

#4. Our Sexy Bitches

america is fat

Here's a picture from the "hottest bitches on the planet" yacht contest, where each country sends their finest representative to compete for the coveted title of being a "bad bitch." On the far right is the curvy temptress representing America, and to the left is all the anorexic ugly women from the other countries. Its disgusting how skinny those other girls are, they probably dont even know what a quarter pounder with cheese is?! smh

#5. You Can Get Famous Even if You Possess No Talent

kim kardashian kanye west

Screw working hard and getting recognition because you're good at something, in America everyone is just one sextape away from having their own television show. Pictured above is a screenshot from the legendary Kim Kardashian sextape, and now this white bitches entirely family is famous AND she gave birth to Kanye West's messiah child...you go girl!

#6. Our Police Love Us (pt. 2)

police brutality

In what other country do the police hug the citizens when they're having a bad day? The scene depicted above is the epitome of service to the people, that woman just found out that her one and only true love Clay Aiken was gay and she started crying. So our great American officers hit her with a barrage of hugs and encouraging words to save her from depression. Knights in shining armor indeed. 

#7. The TSA Keeps us Super Safe (pt. 2)


Americans are all about efficiency, and this picture really exemplifies that. To make sure this woman is not osama bin laden the TSA agent is groping her boobs while simultaneously giving her a mammogram (checking out her titties for breast cancer)...AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!!! Holy swag, isn't the TSA just awesome?