Why You Should Totally Smoke Cigarettes

In High School you will undoubtedly one day get the chance to attend one of the 'cool kids' parties (unless your a super beta nerd in which case you should just stop reading this post) and now is your time to shine! You're going to want to showoff and prove to them that you are indeed a social elite at heart, and there's no better way to impress a bunch of attractive jocks than by ripping a cig. Think about how badass and adult you will seem to them by smoking something your little high school lungs aren't even legally old enough to inhale! Well if thats not enough to convince you to start hitting the cancer stick than hopefully this list will, I present to you six reasons YOU should start smoking cigs.

1) Its Fricking Sweet


Like look how fucking cool it looks when a cigarette burns, don't you wanna take part in this awesome lifestyle choice?

2) You Will Gain Infinite Amounts of Swag

funny swagga

In the famous words of Mr. Rogers "If it wasn't for cigarettes I never woulda landed my god damn T.V. Show" and look at the cool dancing powers he gained because of it! Don't you want to have your own children's TV show and millions of bitches on your dick? If so follow in the footsteps of Mr. Rogers and start smoking today!

3) You'll Start Losing Weight

honey boo boo

No matter how skinny you are, it never hurt anyone to shed a couple extra pounds, and since smoking cigs curves your appetite you'll achieve just that once you start smoking. So unless you wanna look like Honey BooBoo when you grow up I suggest you run to your nearest 7/11 and purchase a pack of New Ports today.

4) It's Sexy...AF

lana del rey cigarette

This one is pretty simple, if you wanna be sexy and seductive like Lana Del Rey, then purchase a pack and some matches today, put a cig in your mouth and stop being Lana Del GAY.

5) You'll Become a Total BAMF

chinese badass kid

Everyone knows that ladies love a badass, and there's no easier way to gain some extra badass points than by ripping a cancer stick. All you gotta do is put a cigarette to your lips, light it, exhale and watch the women flock to you like magnet attracted to how hardcore you are. 

6) You'll Stop Looking like This at Parties

singing crazy

Chances are if you somehow managed to get an invite to a party before smoking cigs, when you hit the dance floor your moves resemble someone giving felatio. So replace that invisible dick in your mouth with a cigarette and you'll be well on your way to losing that virginity!