Why You Should Totally Smoke Weed

You don't smoke weed? HAHA, what're you gay?? Just kidding friend. But seriously, read this article so you know why you're fucking up


5. IT’S COOL

Do you know any cool kids at your high school that don’t smoke weed? Don’t even think about that question. Trust me, there’s none. Smoking reef makes you cool because it’s illegal. It’s as simple as that. Breaking the law is scientifically proven to make you 80% cooler. That’s facts son. You can’t argue with facts.

cops weed
as you can see, even cops
smoke weed

4. IT’LL GET YOU FRIENDS

Think about your life right now. You’re sitting around, probably sober, with no one to talk to, going on teennews.us. Your life sucks. But it doesn’t have to with M A R I J U A N A ! Imagine all the friends you want, coming over to hang out with you and smoke all your weed. I know it sounds too good to be true, but it isn’t, my friend. It isn’t.

joint
hit this shit nigga

3. IT PREVENTS CANCER

Listen, if there’s one thing I know, I smoke a lot of weed. And if there’s another thing I know, I don’t have cancer. Coincidence? I don’t think so buddy. Time and time again, stoner friends of mine don’t get cancer. There’s literally dozens of examples I can think of just by myself! Marijuana truly is a miracle drug.

weed
 no cancer for this man
2. IT’LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO SPEND MONEY ON

You know what I hate? Having loose change in my pocket. You know what’s worse than that? Loose paper bills. What is this? A twenty? Ugh, I don’t want this heavy paper crinkling all up in my pants! SO ANNOYING. Luckily there’s marijuana! Just give a friendly drug dealer all your money, and he’ll give you all of his weed. That’s how drugs deals work if you didn’t know.

weed money
trade to the green you have
for the green you need

1. IT’LL MAKE YOUR DEPRESSING LIFE SLIGHTLY MORE BEARABLE

Most of the time I don’t want to be alive.

sad blob
shoulda smoked herbs